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Within 3 years of marriage, we had our 1st beautiful child. Now we were parents and expectations changed. I began to feel like my wife was trying to control me. I had an overwhelming desire to be away from home. I felt smothered whenever my wife would suggest that we spend an evening at home together. I would accuse her of being controlling. Around this time I started a new hobby and was totally obsessed with it. If my wife or anyone else tried to interfere with my spending time at it, I would become very angry. My wife's "control issues" finally drove us to seek some Christian counselling in the form of "listening prayer". Thank you God!!!!! This was the beginning of my finding freedom and us receiving healing in our marriage. God revealed in this one session of prayer counselling that my issue with my wife's control was actually stemming from my relationship with my sister. She was adopted and older than me. Due to her own insecurities and feelings of rejection, she made it her life's ambition to put me down, and hurt me physically, emotionally and any other way necessary to make her feel better than me. She frequently told me that she was chosen and I was an accident. This seems ridiculous to an adult, but to a 2 or 3 year old boy, it was incredibly painful. My parents admit that they were so worried about her feeling accepted that they really didn't give much thought to what was going on with me. Then I was introduced to Living Waters. I actually took the training before I took the full program because there was not a program running in my area at the time. I wanted to get involved because I was ashamed that the church was rejecting homosexuals and was not offering them any help. Little did I know what God had planned for my own healing journey during the training. God began to bring healing in several areas of my life during the week. He did more healing in the area of wounding from my sister and helped me to walk through forgiveness. He also showed me that my hobby had become and idol and I needed to lay it, and my need to get out of the house by myself, down and give it(and the pain that I was trying to ease) to Him. He also showed me that I had not grieved my grandfather's or my mother's deaths. In fact, as I continued to pray about my grandfather and mother on my 3 hour drive home, I cried so hard that I almost had to pull over because I couldn't see the road! It was the first time that I had allowed myself to express my anger at God, and also to really feel the emotions of pain and grief that were locked up inside of me since I was six. It was an amazingly freeing time! When I got home from the training, my wife couldn't believe the change in me. I wasn't driven to get out of the house anymore. I was happy to be around the house and the family. I gave up my hobby and haven't touched it since; not because I am legalistic about it but I just don't care about it anymore. I personally recommend Living Waters to anyone and everyone. Not everyone is in a place to benefit from it, but everyone has "stuff" that God wants to deal with. We all have pain and woundings that affect our everyday lives and marriages, and always will, unless we allow God to bring healing and freedom. Living Waters is an awesome tool to allow that to happen. M. |
