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Growing up in small communities in northern BC and the Yukon was both good and bad. The wilderness was spectacular with its incredible scenery, forests, mountains and lakes. Exploring, fishing, hunting were the norm. There were always new things to see. A tree fort or a wagon was waiting to be built. But, every couple years, just as I was beginning to make a new friend we were moving again. ‘Oh well, there is lots of new wilderness to explore and of course I have to build a new tree fort’. I became very comfortable being on my own spending countless hours alone exploring in the bush, hunting rabbits, birds, squirrels or building something.It was so comfortable to be alone where I didn’t have to feel. I didn’t realize it at the time, but being the bearer of burdens in a family of silence, void of expressed emotion was taking its toll a young boy. My mother had been through a lot of pain in her life. She too had grown up in an unsafe home where she, as a child, was a victim of incest, widowed as a young mother of two. To deal with her pain she turned to alcohol and became a binge drinker. When sober she was a good mom, but as the alcohol took over and on came another binge, I had no mom. 'Where did she go, where’s mom'? What this set up in me was a real mistrust of women. Don’t let them too close because they will leave you. Friends are good, but don’t get too close, because they will be snatched away. It was so much safer just to isolate. I had to walk through a lot of forgiveness, breaking of vows and judgments. I must confess that I am still on the journey of learning trust. I still recognize that every once in a while as I invite my wife close she runs into the heel of my hand holding her at arms length. I thank God for some close friends, brothers and sisters in Christ that receive and accept me for who I am. They are people that I can open my heart up to, people that won’t reject and abandon me. I thank the Lord for the body of Christ where there are healing ministries like Living Waters that are safe places to be real. They are places where masks can come off and we can come broken to the foot of the cross. I don’t fully understand how or when this happened, but some where along my healing journey I have come to know the Fathers pleasure in me. He delights in me and in who I am. I know He enjoys me and I bring a smile to His face. JWF --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I personally recommend Living Waters to anyone and everyone. Not everyone is in a place to benefit from it, but everyone has "stuff" that God wants to deal with. We all have pain and woundings that affect our everyday lives and marriages, and always will, unless we allow God to bring healing and freedom. Living Waters is an awesome tool to allow that to happen. M. The 2011 - 2012 Living Waters Program starts September 26, 2011.See Events |
